Adolescent Advice: A Judgment-Free Idea
When I have sessions with adolescent clients struggling with anxiety and depression, what is often most striking is their unwavering belief that they're doomed. Their consistent inability to see anything, but doom. This is a line of thinking consistent with depression, and with adolescent clients their lack of control over their lives paired with their minds and bodies being in overdrive, creates an intense dynamic. A dynamic that if we for a moment think of these kiddos as our neighbors, babysitters, and coworkers we could then possibly see the relation between how our view and treatment of them matters for them us.
Some teens can feel like they are in a real life bubble governed by adults who believe themselves to be the best at dictating every part of the teen’s life. Every. Single. Part. Sometimes down to when they can go to the bathroom. I mean if you think back to high school and middle school getting a bathroom pass was akin to snagging the last bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetoes from the school vending machine. It was a big deal. It was also ridiculous. I mean, I get it. Adolescent curiosity and impulse often has a roguish undertone, so I understand the instinct to control in order to offset debauchery. However, the consequence of that can be adolescent doom.
Adolescents feeling doomed to be controlled by every adult in their lives and simultaneously controlled by the laws of teen-dom. Yikes. Adolescents are restricted by both judicial law to remain where they are told to remain and simultaneously restricted by the unspoken law of popularity and expectation. The latter sometimes feeling more real than the former. Being a teen is tough. Being a kid is tough. Being a depressed kid or teen who feels like no one is listening to your words, or understanding your needs is TOUGH. Being a human can be tough and tough looks different for all of us even the littles and the mediums.
Can we agree on that? If so, maybe there's one thing we can do to give adolescents at least a microscopic amount of ease to their hard knock lives:
LIMIT THE JUDGMENT | GIVE THEM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT
Judgment rises from a place of superiority and individualism. If we kept in mind that everyone is having a tough time with something we might be able to limit the judgment and see each other including kiddos as simply another human trying to figure it out. Getting rid of labeling adolescents as 'bad,' 'irredeemable' or any other harsh term is a start to limiting judgment. It then opens the door to viewing that kiddo as someone in need of a nonjudgmental ear. Because yes, that kid may be seeking attention, but maybe that's because they need some attention. Don't you at times?
Stay curious. 💕
